Like other moms, I’m busy navigating my work/life balance, struggling to keep all the balls in the air with varying rates of success (it’s life – some days are great and amazing, some you wish you had a do over!). With a thriving business at DASHA® and two young children full of personality and divergent interests (sport and arts), there truly are never enough hours in the day, but thank goodness I have the wonderful outlet of Lyss Stern and Divalysscious Moms, New York City’s premier socializing network for fabulous moms (and moms-to-be) and their totally adorable babies. Divalysscious brings moms and children together for all types of events, from fashion to fitness to entertainment and more. Lyss just had her third child, and I was lucky enough to steal some of her time to ask her some questions:
SHANNON: What’s your ideal way to spend Mother’s Day?
LYSS: My ideal Mother’s Day would definitely begin with sleeping in late! My boys and baby girl would bring me breakfast in bed with the day’s New York Times (with the help of my husband, of course)! Wherever we head to for the day, I would, without a doubt, leave all electronic devices at home and have a true “tech-free” day for myself, and for the kids. We usually go out to Long Island to have lunch and/or dinner with my mother and mother-in-law, and, if you know our family, you know the meals are always full of laughs and stories…And maybe even a spontaneous performance by my 6-year-old, Oliver!
SHANNON: What do you think is the number one myth about balancing motherhood and work?
LYSS: The number one myth about balancing motherhood and work is that “balance” actually exists! Everyone has her own methods and definition of “balance.” How can there be a “right” way when everyone’s lives are so drastically different? Please, let’s demystify that myth, and let’s do it now. No working mom can have “balance” in her life the way it’s portrayed in television, film and media stories. I always tell working mothers that we are responsible for juggling 101 balls and something is bound to drop, which is okay and almost always ends in a lesson in improvement.
For me, it’s very important to prioritize. I like to make sure that my work is done early in the morning before the children wake up. As June Ambrose so perfectly said at last year’s Mom Mogul Breakfast, “Wake before the quake!” Yes, that means sometimes waking up at 4:30am to finish work, and that is what coffee is for. If you know that mornings are too hectic, then finish the work the night before, after the kids are sound asleep in their beds (do NOT put off quality time or story time).
Take a breath. It’s always stressful being in the office, even on a good day, but that means if you don’t stop for a second to take a breath, you’re going to become way too overwhelmed. Find a quick thing you can do everyday that will bring you back to a calm state of mind. Perhaps you have a small photo album of your family you can flip through, or perhaps, if you know your spouse or caretaker is going to be with your kids at a certain time of the day, give them a call, and speak to them for a quick second even simply to tell them you love them. Those little ones can do amazing things for you in such a short time; remember that! You need them as much as they need you.
SHANNON: How does a stay-at-home mom still make time for herself?
LYSS: Never forget YOU! As moms and businesswomen, it’s easy to forget ourselves in the mix of things. Of course we have to find the time to pamper ourselves first, but it’s also important that we don’t let all of our stress get so pent up that we don’t know what to do with ourselves; this just puts us on edge and seemingly “crazy.” Maybe during your lunch break, you can go down to the closest nail salon and get a quick ten-minute back rub, or keep your favorite nail polish with you at your desk and slick on a new coat while you’re at your computer. Of course we need to find those moments for our family, and we don’t want to do so much that we aren’t able to get our work done, but the time we spend saying we don’t have the time is enough to give yourself a little love in return for all the hard work you do. And besides, you deserve it! Every Divamom does.
SHANNON: What can a woman balancing motherhood and work do with her guilt she feels in each area of her life?
LYSS: A woman balancing motherhood and work must throw her “mommy guilt” away. I know we all have it but, in order to be successful in our fields, we need to know that we are doing a great job and that our children will look up to us as role models when they are able to understand all that goes into raising a person. Mom-guilt is a real thing that can eat at you everyday, but you have to know that you are doing the best you can, and that is more than enough. The fact alone that we feel a sense of guilt says enough about how our children are on your mind every moment, which is half the battle of being the moms we want to be.
SHANNON: As a mom, what can you do to help yourself feel and look your best?
LYSS: Being a mom is always sexy! I don’t care if you got 2 and a half hours of sleep last night and have not looked at your hair and makeup in a day: you are raising amazing little people and you’re BEAUTIFUL! If you want to feel a bit more “generically” sexy, I say take an “MTO,” otherwise known as a mommy-time-out. Go for a walk, take an exercise class. Go to the store and splurge on some sexy lingerie, take a scented bubble bath, light a candle. Do something just for you. You are DivaLyssciously #FabULyss in and out of the hair salon and you have to own it!
SHANNON: A mother never has enough time in the day. How should you manage your time with your kids and your spouse so neither feels neglected?
LYSS: You must make it a point to have a “date night” at least once a week to talk about other things besides the kids. Go to a movie, a show, take a walk in the park; you must give the two of you “alone time.” Same for the kids– I like to give each one of them individual mommy time. It’s very important for working moms to make their children feel secure and loved at all times; many moms don’t think it’s possible to give their children as much security and affection as a stay-at-home mom, but that’s just not the case. There is enough one-on-one mommy time for every member of your household, and you CAN make it happen.
Stay tuned later this month, when DASHA® raffles off a copy of Lyss Stern’s book with Julie Klappas, If You Give a Mom a Martini: 100 Ways to Find 10 Blissful Minutes for Yourself.
DASHA® wellness & spa is a luxury lifestyle brand and New York City-based wellness center created to offer a truly holistic approach to wellness. To learn more, visit dashawellness.com.
